Jokes Random
Two old ladies have played bridge together
Two old ladies have played bridge together for many years, and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well. One day, during a game of cards, one lady suddenly looks up at the other and says, "I realize we've known each other for many years, but for the life of me, I just can't bring it to mind... would you please tell me your name again, dear?" There is dead silence for a couple of minutes, then the other lady responds, "How soon do you need to know?"
Girls before and after finding her Love
Girl before finding her Love:
He should love me more & more everyday
He should never let me sad
He should always understand me
He should be perfect !!
After finding her boyfriend:
So what if he is not loving me unconditional, I understand & love him anyway
So what if he is sometimes makes me sad, that is ok, still he is the best for me!
So what if he is not fully understanding me, I will understand him
So what if he is not perfect, I am not perfect too! :) :)
ID Ten error
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard , the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, to come over. Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”
“It was an ID ten T error,” he replied.
I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, “An, ID ten T error? What’s that … uh … in case I need to fix it again?”
Richard grinned … “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”
“No,” I replied.
“Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.”
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T …..
A soldier was given the job of hunting
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come". The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come"? and the Indian replies, "ear sticky".
Doctor And An Engineer
Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store...
As they were busy looking around, doctor stole 3 chocolate bars...
As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer : "Man! I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that"
Engineer replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"
So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy: "Do you wanna see magic..?"
The Shop boy replied: "Yes...!!!"
Engineer said: "Give me one chocolate bar!"
The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it... He asked for the second, and he ate that as well.. He asked for the third, and finished that one too...
The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic..?"
Engineer replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them...!"
Mouse trap
Santa: I'm in a big trouble!
Banta: Why is that?
Santa: I saw a mouse in my house!
Banta: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
Santa: I don't have one.
Banta: Well then, buy one.
Santa: Can't afford one.
Banta: I can give you mine if you want.
Santa: That sounds good.
Banta: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
Santa: I don't have any cheese.
Banta: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
Santa: I don't have oil.
Banta: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
Santa I don't have bread.
Banta: Then what the hell is that mouse doing at your house???
April fools day
Mackenzie put a whoopie cushion
on the teacher's chair.
Makayla told the teacher
that a bug was in her hair.
Alyssa brought an apple
with a purple gummy worm
and gave it to the teacher
just to see if she would squirm.
Elijah left a piece of plastic
dog doo on the floor,
and Vincent put some plastic vomit
in the teacher's drawer.
Amanda put a goldfish
in the teacher's drinking glass.
These April Fool's Day pranks
are ones that you could use in class.
Before you go and try them, though,
there's something I should mention:
The teacher wasn't fooling
when she put us in detention.
Is this justice
If A Girl Laughs Loudly She Is Cheerful
If A Boy Laughs Loudly He Is Manner less
If A Girl Talks Sweetly She Is Charming
If A Boy Talks Sweetly He Is A Flirt
If A Girl Is Shopping She Is Trendy
If A Boy Is Shopping He Is Wasting Money
If A Girl Is Silent She Is Feeling Sad
If A Boy Is Silent He Is Being Rude
If Girls Walk In A Group Its A Group
If Boys Walk In A Group Its A GANG.. !
Bank Account
Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.
An 80 year old couple were having problems
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."
She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"
A guy sticks his head
A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "To your house."
Question paper in year 2050
Question Paper in year 2050:
1. Name the cities of Pakistan where Electricity is found.
2. How does Sugar taste? Explain in your Own words.
3. Draw a Neat and Labeled Diagram of a Suicide Jacket.
4. In Ancient Times, What was Petrol Used for? Support your answer with examples
A hobo comes up to the front door
A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."
The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."
So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."
The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW."
Expiry date
Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate since 4 am
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
Bull and cow
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Nice logic
Santa: What's the name of our PM?
Pappu: We don't have a PM in our country.
Santa: Shut up! Tell me the name of our PM?
Pappu: Okay dad, first you tell me the model no. of our typewriter?
Santa: We don't have a typewriter.
Pappu: We have one in the store-room.
Santa: Oh... that one. We do have but that's not of any use why should I remember it's model no?
Pappu: My point exactly.
Who Is She?
Her eyes are like diamonds that are shiny and bright
Her hair is so soft and black as the night
Her legs are long and her body is slender
When you hold her close she is warm and tender
Hiding amongst the shadows so tall
Looking much closer she's not there at all
Always in trouble with her curious way
She stays out all night and sleeps in all day
Creeps into your room and sits up on your bed
Gives gentle kisses on your nose and your head
Always expects you to open the door
There isn't a sound as she walks on the floor
She will not come over when you call
Walks straight past as if you're not there at all
If you want to work she wants to play
Doesn't care if you forget her birthday
Is she your wife or is she your lover
Is she a friend or is she your mother
She is none of those things I can tell you that
This beautiful creature is only the cat
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.
She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
Friendship
Your friendship means so much to me that... When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you jump out a window, I laugh some more.
Addicted to computers
Ten ways to know that you're addicted to your computer:-
10) When you begin to laugh you yell, LOL.
9) You tell your computer you love it, more than you tell your husband or wife.
8) Your house catches on fire and you run home to save your computer before your family.
7) Your computer is your ONLY friend.
6) You think cyber sex is better than real sex.
5) You type only in short hand (YO ROFLMAO I'LL BRB B4 U RTFM LOL).
4) You type 40 words a minute with two fingers.
3) Your twins are named RAM & ROM.
2) After breaking from your computer, you realize you have gained 40lbs, have grown hair in unusual places, your spouse and kids have left you, and Windows 95 is outdated.
1) YOU READ STUFF LIKE THIS!
