A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
What do you call 5000 dead criminal defense lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
Jewelry.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then on the other.
How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say "FEES"