After graduating from college, Joe was increasingly hampered by worse and worse headaches. By his 30th birthday, he decided to seek medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who could diagnose the problem.
"The good news is that I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked, but after the years of suffering, he decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, his mind was finally clear, and he felt like he needed a new beginning.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see, size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Joe tried on the suit, and it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck." Sure enough, it was an exact fit.
As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see, 9-1/2 E." Again, the salesman was spot on.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop in the new shoes, and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?" Without hesitating, Joe said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see, 7-5/8." The hat fit perfectly.
Joe was feeling great. Finally, the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see, size 36."
Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
Three friends go out hunting. One of them is a genius, another a pretty smart guy and the last is a complete idiot.
The genius goes out hunting for a couple of hours and comes back with the HUGE buck. The other 2 friends are standing there, and they say, " wow, how did u catch that!?"
The genius replies, "Well I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and I shot it."
Still in awe the average joe goes out and comes back with a decent size buck, nothing crazy, but good sized.
He brings it back, and his 2 friends say, "Wow nice buck!" "How did U catch that"? He replies with, "well I took "the genius' “advice"; I saw the tracks followed then and shot the buck".
So the idiot says, "Well guys I guess it’s my turn, I’ll be back in a while." "Ok" they reply.
So a couple hours later the idiot comes crawling back to the camp moaning in pain with cuts, bruises, and broken bones. His friends ask, "wow what happened!?!?"
The idiot replies, “Well I took "the genius' " advice, "I saw the tracks, followed them, and got hit by a train!"
Q: What was the geometry student looking for at the beach?
A: A tangent.
Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar, when Santa said to Banta, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"
"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."
"Well," said Santa, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"
"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied Banta.
"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired Santa, "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"
"Well," replied Banta, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!"
Banta lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Mumbai, and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, " Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You bastard, you gave me a woman`s ears."
"Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man`s or a woman`s."
"You`re wrong, I hear everything, but I don`t understand a thing!"
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple ?
A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33 Rank)
Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question." "Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked.
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
He was selected for IIM!
Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the master of presence of mind.
This is a famous paper written for an Oxford philosophy exam, normally requiring an eight page essay answer and expected to be backed up with source material, quotes and analytical reasoning. This guy wrote the below answer and topped the exam!
OXFORD EXAMINATION BOARD 1987, ESSAY QUESTION
Question: What is courage? (50 Marks)
Answer (After 7 blank pages, at the end of the last page…): This is courage
When Santa came home, his wife, Jeeto, was crying.
"Your mother insulted me," Jeeto sobbed.
"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the country?" Santa asked.
"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."
"And?"
"At the end of the letter it said, 'Dear Jeeto, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son.'"