A family took a trip to Disney World. After three exhausting days, they headed home. As they drove away, the son waved and said, “Goodbye, Mickey.”
The daughter waved and said, “Goodbye, Minnie.”
The husband waved, rather weakly, and said, “Goodbye, Money.”
Two old ladies have played bridge together for many years, and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well. One day, during a game of cards, one lady suddenly looks up at the other and says, "I realize we've known each other for many years, but for the life of me, I just can't bring it to mind... would you please tell me your name again, dear?" There is dead silence for a couple of minutes, then the other lady responds, "How soon do you need to know?"
Mr.Johnson and his secretary are on a train to Paris. They are just about to go to sleep when the secretary, who has the hots for her boss says in a seductive voice, I'm a little cold, could I borrow your blanket? The man says how would you like to be Mrs. Johnson for awhile? The secretary jumps at the chance and begins to get out of bed. Then he replies, good, then you can get your own damn blanket.
Kevin and Ryan, ages five and three, were waiting for breakfast one Saturday morning. As their mother was preparing some pancakes, the boys began to argue loudly over who would get the first one from the griddle.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'" she explained.
Kevin immediately turned to his younger brother and said, "Okay, Ryan, you be Jesus!"
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
An EGYPTIAN girl asked an INDIAN boy:
What can u do for me?
The boy replied:
come behind the PYRAMID.
I will make u MUMMY.An EGYPTIAN girl asked an INDIAN boy:
What can u do for me?
The boy replied:
come behind the PYRAMID.
I will make u MUMMY.
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.