The bar story

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just HAD to try this, so they jumped out the window, and SPLAT! -- made a mess hitting all over the ground. Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks, the bartender says "Superman, you can be a real ------- when you're drunk!"

Difference between Complete n Finished

No English Dictionary Has Been Able To Explain
The Difference Between The Two Words COMPLETE And FINISHED,

In A Way That's Easy To Understand.
Some People Say
There Is No Difference Between COMPLETE & FINISHED.

I Beg To Differ Because,
There Is : When You Marry The Right Woman,
You Are "COMPLETE"...
And
When You Marry The Wrong One,
You Are "FINISHED"!
And
When The Right One Catches You With The Wrong One,
You Are ..."COMPLETELY FINISHED" !

 

How can I Help my friend

 Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies, "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. 


 

Train Ticket

In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please! 
Saint: I don't have. 
TT: Where do you want to go? 
Saint: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya! 
TT: Come, lets go! 
Saint: Where? 
TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail.  

Speech Impediment

Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar, when Santa said to Banta, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"
"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."
"Well," said Santa, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"
"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied Banta.
"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired Santa, "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"
"Well," replied Banta, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!"

Richest people

"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."

Brilliant answers

Brilliant answers by the student who got 0%?

1)In which battle did Tippu sultan die?
A-In his last battle!

2)Where was the declaration of independence signed?
A-At the bottom of the page.

3)What's the main reason 4 divorce?
A-Marriage.

4)Ganga flows in which state?
A-Liquid state.

5)when was Mahatma Gandhi born?
A-On his birthday.

6) How will u distribute 8 mangoes among 6 people?
A-By preparing mango shake.!!