A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?" A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"
"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir." "What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?" "Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy." "Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?" "It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."
Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.
A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order.
"I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband.
"But sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter.
"Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."
Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."
Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."
Mother: "Yes, you do."
Victor: "Give me one good reason."
Mother: "Because you're 34 years old, and you're the principal."
My puppy likes the water.
My puppy likes to swim.
I've never seen a puppy
who swims as much as him.
He swims not on the surface,
but only underneath.
And maybe I should warn you,
he has very scary teeth.
Whenever people see him
they're frightened of his grin.
Or maybe it's his lack of fur.
Or maybe it's his fin.
If you should buy a puppy,
just get the kind that barks.
Don't be like me. I bought mine
at a store that just sells sharks.
A wife is scrambling eggs when her husband bursts into the kitchen. "Careful," he cries, "Careful! You are cooking too many at once. Too many! Scramble them! Now! We need more butter. They're going to stick! Careful! Now scramble them again! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt! The wife turns and asks, "What is wrong with you?" Her husband calmly replies, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
There was a couple…the lady was very talkative and she kept talking with people on the phone hour after hour when she is alone at home.
End of everymonth they used to get a massive telephone bill and the husband was so worried on this.
One day they were dining at the table and the phone rang..
The lady’s reaction was immediate…she ran to the phone and started chatting..
After about 30-min she hang up and came back to the table.
The husband was happy that she hang up in 30 min which was a good sign where she normally doesn’t hung up at least for 2-hours. So he happily inquired…was she busy to hang up so early???
No..it was a wrong number.. replied the lady..