By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
Over breakfast, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.”
“Of course I do,” he answered, as if offended, and left for the office.
At 10:00 a.m., a dozen red roses arrived at the house. At 1:00 p.m., a two-pound box of chocolates was delivered. The designer dress arrived at 3:00.
When her husband came home, the woman ran to meet him and threw her arms around his neck, “I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”.
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies, "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Once Santa kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Santa: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Santa: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Santa: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Santa: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Santa: It said "Pull"
Way to impress girl: Respect her, honor her, love her, protect her, care 4 her, obey her, sacrifice 4 her.
How to impress a boy? Just smile once ..
Teacher: "Ramu, you talk a lot !"
Ramu: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Ramu: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher: "What about your mother?"
Ramu: "She's a woman".