A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions.
Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
Love is dinner for 2 in your favourite restaurant. Marriage is a take home pack.
Love is watching movie on a sofa. Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
Love is talking about having children. Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
Love is going to bed early. Marriage is going to sleep early.
Love is losing your appetite. Marriage is losing your figure.
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!"
Conclusion: Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener.. :)
A big city Chicago lawyer went duck hunting in rural Wisconsin. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.
The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer replied. "I'm one of the best trial lawyers in the Chicago, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything that you own.
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Wisconsin. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Wisconsin Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Wisconsin Three Kick Rule?"
The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to the city fella. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin, which dropped him to his knees.
His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.
The lawyer was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old man, now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said,
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : “HIJKLMNO” !!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it’s H to O !
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
“Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line,at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note:
“Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.
“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”
“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “all right, get in.”
An economist, a philosopher, a biologist, and an architect were were arguing about what was God's real profession. The philosopher said, "Well, first and foremost, God is a philosopher because he created the principles by which man is to live." "Ridiculous!" said the biologist "Before that, God created man and woman and all living things so clearly he was a biologist."
"Wrong," said the architect. "Before that, he created the heavens and the earth. Before the earth, there was only complete confusion and chaos!" "Well," said the economist, "where do you think the chaos came from?"