Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule
Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt
Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teach him taxes are no joke.
Tax his car, tax his grass,
Tax the roads he must pass
Tax his food, tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his sodas, tax his beers,
If he cries, tax his tears
Tax his bills, tax his gas,
Tax his notes, tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough
If he hollers, tax him more,
Tax him until he's good and sore.
Tax his coffin, tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays
Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom!"
And when he's gone, we won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance tax
A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it
alright.
During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.
Teacher:Pappu, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.
Pappu: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school.
A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:
“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?
The sailor said no to all his questions.
Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.
After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
The professor said no.
Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.
God greets Mother Teresa at the Pearly Gates. "Art thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asks God. "I could eat," Mother Teresa replies.
So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread, and they share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa happens to look down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and fine wines! Curious, but deeply trusting, Mother Teresa remains quiet.
The next day God again invites Mother Teresa to join him for a meal. Again, it is tuna and rye bread. Again, looking down, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates. Still Mother Teresa says nothing.
The following day, mealtime arrives and another can of tuna is opened! Mother Teresa cannot contain herself.
She says: "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious and holy life I led. But here in Heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! Forgive me, O God, but I just don't understand..."
God sighs. "Well, to be honest, Mother Teresa," God says, "....for just two people, does it pay to cook?"
The art teacher instructed her students to do a self portrait. When Andrew handed his picture in, the teacher took one look at it and said, “But, Andrew,this isn’t you.” “That’s right,” replied Andrew. “It’s a self portrait of someone else.”