An elementary school teacher sends this note to
All parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school,
I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.
One day teacher asked Sam that did his father help him with his homework.
Sam simply said that “No, he did it all by himself”!
A very old couple wanted to have children, so they went to their doctor and told him their problem. The doctor gave the couple a tiny jar and told them to fill it up. About a week later, the couple came back.
"I tried with my right hand until it gave out, and I tried with my left hand until it gave out," said the man.
"And I tried with both hands until they gave out," said the woman. "And we still can't get the lid off the jar."
A photographer, who was also a confirmed athiest, decided to go into the woods to get photos of the fall foliage.
It was a beautiful day....fall colors, birds chirping, babbling brook, and a gentle breeze rustling the leaves.
While snapping shots, the athiest heard a noise behind him, and whirled around to see a huge bear coming through the bushes. He dropped his camera and ran. And kept running....... and looking behind him, he noticed the bear was gaining on him. He was so scared that tears came to his eyes. He ran faster, but the bear was closing in on him. He ran faster yet, and tripped over a root. Rolling over onto his back, the athiest saw the bear rise to his full height and raise a huge paw...... and the athiest cried out, "Oh, God, no!"
And everything stopped. The birds stopped chirping. The brook stopped babbling. The gentle breeze stopped. And the bear froze with his paw in the air. And the athiest heard a booming voice say, "Young man. For years you doubted my very existance, but now that your life is in peril you call my name to help you. Why should I do so?"
And the athiest thought for a moment, and said, "Yes, you are right. If you are God, then it would be hypocritical of me to become a Christian at this point in my life. But, do you think that you could at least make the bear a Christian for today?" And the booming voice was quiet for a moment and then said, "Done."
And everything started again. The birds chirping, brook babbling, and gentle breeze rustling the leaves. And the bear slowly lowered his paw.
And the bear put his paws together, and bowed his massive head and said, "Dear Lord, please bless this food we are about to eat."
Three guys - Santa, Banta and Ramta - are working on a high-rise building project. Ramta falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Santa says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Banta says, "OK, I am pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I will do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack of beer.
Santa says, "Where did you get that, Banta?"
"Ramta`s wife gave it to me."
"That is unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
Banta says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, You must be Ramta widow. She said, `No, I am not a widow.’ and I said, ‘Wanna bet me a six-pack?’"
A man is walking down the street and he sees a boy riding a wagon. The boy has his dog pulling it with a rope attached to the dogs balls. The man says "You know if you tied it around his neck, it would go faster." The boy replies, "I know but then I wouldn't get the cool siren."
Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii."
They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii."
"Thank you," says the satisfied first man.
"You're velcome," replies the passerby.