Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on.
The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
An old man and his wife went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked the man for a blood, urine and feces sample.
The man was slightly deaf and said, "What?"
The doctor said, "I need a blood, urine and feces sample."
The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear, "Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear."
A man and and a woman from Alabama don't want any more children because they already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in Ohio. The doctor asks, "What state are you from?
The man say,s "Alabama." The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit cherry bomb in an empty soda can, hold it in his hand, and count to 10. The husband isn't so sure of this, so he goes to another doctor, this time in California.
When that doctor finds out that the husband is from Alabama, he tells him the exact same thing that the doctor in Ohio told him. The husband figures that the doctors must be right.
So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to count. ''1...2...3...4...5...'' The husband takes the soda can and puts it between his legs to continue counting on his fingers on his right hand. ''6...7...8...9...''
My puppy likes the water.
My puppy likes to swim.
I've never seen a puppy
who swims as much as him.
He swims not on the surface,
but only underneath.
And maybe I should warn you,
he has very scary teeth.
Whenever people see him
they're frightened of his grin.
Or maybe it's his lack of fur.
Or maybe it's his fin.
If you should buy a puppy,
just get the kind that barks.
Don't be like me. I bought mine
at a store that just sells sharks.
Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate since 4 am
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy with four young mothers.
"You all have obsessions.",The doctor observed.
To the 1st mother, he said,
"You are obsessed with eating. You've even named you're daughter 'Candy'."
He looks to the 2nd mother saying,
"Your obsession is with money.
Again, It manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He looks to the third mother 'n says,
"Your obsession is alcohol.
This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point,
The 4th mother Gets up,
Takes her little boy by the hand 'n says to him, "Come on, Dick, We're leaving!"
Terrorible English by School P.T sir:
1.There is no wind in the football.
2.I talk,he talk, Why you middle talk?
3.You rotate the ground four times.
4.You go 'n understnd the tree.
5. I'll give you clap.
6. Bring your parents with Your Mom 'n Dad
7.Why Haircut not cut?