Three guys - Santa, Banta and Ramta - are working on a high-rise building project. Ramta falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Santa says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Banta says, "OK, I am pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I will do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack of beer.
Santa says, "Where did you get that, Banta?"
"Ramta`s wife gave it to me."
"That is unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
Banta says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, You must be Ramta widow. She said, `No, I am not a widow.’ and I said, ‘Wanna bet me a six-pack?’"
Santa was spending some of his hard-earned cash on a luxury cruise and was given a table
with a Frenchman.
At their first meal together, the Frenchman said, "Bon appetit!"
Before the next meal commenced the performance was repeated.
"Bon appetit," said the Frenchman.
"Santa Ji," replied Santa.
After this had happened at every meal for three days, Santa was getting fed up, and told a fellow traveller about it.
"He tells me his name is Bon Appetit and I tell him my name is Santa, and then at the next meal, we start all over again."
The fellow traveller laughed and explained to Santa that the Frenchman was not introducing himself and that 'Bon appetit' meant "Good appetite", or "I hope that you enjoy your meal!"
Santa breathed a sigh of relief on receiving this information. Next morning, at breakfast,
Santa greeted the Frenchman, "Bon appetite."
The Frenchman nodded politely and said, "Santa Ji."
In reality, you are more likely to be struck by lightning.
It's amazing what 20% of Americans will believe. Another 20% of Americans believes that sun revolves around Earth. Even more than 20% didn't know that the United States gained its independence from Britain.
PRINCETON, NJ -- Thanks to the Internet and other trappings of the Information Age, facts and figures now come cheaper and faster than ever before. But where does that leave good, old-fashioned general knowledge, the kind people carry around in their heads?
A new Gallup poll includes three questions that tap Americans' level of general knowledge. Overall, most Americans did well, answering these questions correctly.
In anticipation of Independence Day, Americans were asked if they could identify the specific historical event celebrated on July 4th. Fifty-five percent say it commemorates the signing of the Declaration of Independence (this is a common misconception, and close to being accurate; July 4th is actually the date in 1776 when the Continental Congress approved the Declaration, which was officially signed on August 2nd.) Another 32% give a more general answer, saying that July 4th celebrates Independence Day.
When Americans are asked to identify the country from which America gained its independence, 76% correctly name Great Britain. A handful, 2%, think America's freedom was won from France, 3% mention some other country (including Russia, China, and Mexico, among others named), while 19% are unsure.
Groups that have higher degrees of self-reported patriotism (see Gallup's Fourth of July release), such as older people and whites, are also more likely to correctly name the country from which America gained its independence. Only 66% of those aged 18-29 know that America gained its independence from England, compared to 79% of those aged 30 and older. The knowledge gap is even wider on the basis of gender and race:
Four out of Five Americans Know Earth Revolves Around Sun
Probing a more universal measure of knowledge, Gallup also asked the following basic science question, which has been used to indicate the level of public knowledge in two European countries in recent years: "As far as you know, does the earth revolve around the sun or does the sun revolve around the earth?" In the new poll, about four out of five Americans (79%) correctly respond that the earth revolves around the sun, while 18% say it is the other way around. These results are comparable to those found in Germany when a similar question was asked there in 1996; in response to that poll, 74% of Germans gave the correct answer, while 16% thought the sun revolved around the earth, and 10% said they didn't know. When the question was asked in Great Britain that same year, 67% answered correctly, 19% answered incorrectly, and 14% didn't know.
The results below are based on telephone interviews with a randomly selected national sample of 1,016 adults, 18 years and older, conducted June 25-27, 1999. For results based on this sample, one can say with 95 percent confidence that the maximum error attributable to sampling and other random effects is plus or minus 3 percentage points. In addition to sampling error, question wording and practical difficulties in conducting surveys can introduce error or bias into the findings of public opinion polls.
As far as you know, what specific historical event is celebrated on July 4th?
As far as you know, from what country did America gain its independence following the Revolutionary War?
As far as you know, does the earth revolve around the sun, or does the sun revolve around the earth?
Source: http://www.gallup.com/poll/3742/new-poll-gauges-americans-general-knowledge-levels.aspx
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"
"Nine..."
Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildly
swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping
on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.
As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.
For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.
Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others. All the blondes applauded.
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on.
The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
Jay went to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he said, “I’ve got trouble.
Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it.
I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it.
Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!”
“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink.
“Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”
“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”