There was a boy who picked his nose,
Thought it tasted fine,
Picked for breakfast, lunch and dinner,
Picked it all the time...
Shared his pickings with his friends,
With his parents too,
Shared his pickings with his pets,
They worked a lot like glue...
Picked his nose all through the day,
Picked all through the night,
Never tired of his picking,
Wanna’ take a bite?
One day he stuck his finger in,
So deep inside his snout,
The rest of him got stuck inside,
He never could get out!
Mother to Johnny: “how was your exam, is all questions difficult?”
Johnny: “No mom, all the questions were simple, It was the answers which gave me all the trouble”!
Kevin and Ryan, ages five and three, were waiting for breakfast one Saturday morning. As their mother was preparing some pancakes, the boys began to argue loudly over who would get the first one from the griddle.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'" she explained.
Kevin immediately turned to his younger brother and said, "Okay, Ryan, you be Jesus!"
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
A young farmhand is driving around the farm and making repairs to the fences.
After a few minutes, he makes a call to his boss on the two-way radio and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of the truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when he stops wriggling, you'll be able to pull it out and throw it in a bush off the side of the road."
The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back.
"Boss I did what you said. I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.
"Well, the blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"