I gave my dog some peanut butter,
Bread and blue grape juice,
A garbage truck with junk inside,
A toy that had no use...
I heard that dogs eat anything,
And I just had to see...
He ate a shirt,
He ate my pants,
He almost ate up me!
I put some books in front of dog,
To see if he could read,
He ate those books,
With a grin,
He's a special breed...
I put a pen in front of dog,
To see if he could write,
He chewed and chewed that little pen,
From morning to the night...
Next day he scratched,
And scratched,
And scratched,
Scratched too much for me,
I got some new flea powder,
To chase away the fleas...
He ate the white flea powder,
He licked it nice and clean,
Although his tongue got kind of white,
No fleas are ever seen...
I gave my dog some dog food,
He stared at me with fear,
The food is sitting in his bowl,
Its almost been a year...
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.
"They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is admitted. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and, as is the wont for engineers, starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks, "So how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and working escalators, and there's no telling what an engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician.
"I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that."
The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. "I'm back!"
Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit."
Over breakfast, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.”
“Of course I do,” he answered, as if offended, and left for the office.
At 10:00 a.m., a dozen red roses arrived at the house. At 1:00 p.m., a two-pound box of chocolates was delivered. The designer dress arrived at 3:00.
When her husband came home, the woman ran to meet him and threw her arms around his neck, “I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”.
A Boy texts a girl
Boy: Hey!
Girl: Hi! What u doing?
Boy: texting the most beautiful girl in the world.
Girl: Aww How cute!
Boy: Ya! But She is not replying, so m texting U! :D
A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"