Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.
Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the
moon.
We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."
"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."
Bob calls in to his job:
"Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I'm not coming into work today."
The boss says:
"You know Bob I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."
2 hours later Bob calls:
"Boss, I did what you said and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house."
About a year had passed since my amicable divorce, and I decided it was time to start dating again. Unsure how to begin, I thought I’d scan the personals column of my local newspaper. I came across three men who seemed like they’d be promising candidates. A couple of days later, I was checking my messages and discovered one from my ex-husband. “I was over visiting the kids yesterday,” he said. “While I was there I happened to notice you had circled some ads in the paper. Don’t bother calling the guy in the second column. I can tell you right now it won’t work out. That guy is me.”
A man frantically speaks into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Doctor: "I see you`re over a month late for your appointment. Don`t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What`s your excuse?"
Patient:" I was just following your orders, doc."
Doctor: "Following my orders?, what are you talking about? I gave you no such order."
Patient: You told me to avoid people who irritate me.
4 surgeons sat around discussing their favourite patients type.
1st surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order."
2nd surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order."
3rd surgeon says, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded."
The 4th surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians."
The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief.
The 4th surgeon continues, "Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the butts and brains are interchangeable."