Teacher: Last night I had a dream that I ate a huge marshmallow.
Student: And what happened next?
Teacher: I woke up in the morning and found my pillow gone!!!
Teacher announced that “students, we will have only half a day of school in this morning.
All the students said “Yeahh”
Then the teacher said “We will have the other half this afternoon”!
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she tried to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse shit all over her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse shit from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn’t they just throw out the pest.
“Oh I don’t care.” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”
A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions.
Santa was visiting the big city for the first time. He checks in at the hotel, and the bell boy takes his bags. He follows the boy, and as the door closes, he looks around and shakes his fist at him.
`Young man, I may be from the village and unfamiliar with the city, but that don`t mean I`m stupid! I paid good money, and this room won`t do at all! It`s too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there`s not even a bed!`
The bellboy looks at Santa and says, `Sir, this isn`t your room, it`s the elevator!`
Banta came to meet Santa at his house.
He knocked at the door; and was surprised to see Santa dripping with water open the door while being stark naked.
"Come on Santa, aren't you ashamed? Why don't you wear something?", said Banta.
Santa sheepishly ran into the bathroom and came back wearing his slippers.