One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.
They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."
Banta tripped on the stairs and broke his leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that he wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off.
The weeks later he removed the cast and pronounced him well on the way to recovery.
"Oh good," Banta responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?"
"Yes," said the doctor, "if you promise to be careful."
"I can't tell you what a relief it will be," he sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe all the time!"
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is admitted. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and, as is the wont for engineers, starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks, "So how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and working escalators, and there's no telling what an engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:
“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?
The sailor said no to all his questions.
Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.
After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
The professor said no.
Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.
Sardar ji in NYPD
Santa Singh went to apply for job in New York Police department and got an interview. NYPD asked Sardar – Who murdered Abraham Lincoln?
Santa said – I will find out. Thanks for giving me the job.
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.
With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.