Police: where do u live?
Me: with my parents
Police: where does ur parents live?
Me: with me
Police: where do u all live?
Me: together
Police: where is ur house?
Me: next to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors house?
Me: if i tell you u wont believe me.
Police: tell me
Me: next to my house
A man and and a woman from Alabama don't want any more children because they already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in Ohio. The doctor asks, "What state are you from?
The man say,s "Alabama." The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit cherry bomb in an empty soda can, hold it in his hand, and count to 10. The husband isn't so sure of this, so he goes to another doctor, this time in California.
When that doctor finds out that the husband is from Alabama, he tells him the exact same thing that the doctor in Ohio told him. The husband figures that the doctors must be right.
So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to count. ''1...2...3...4...5...'' The husband takes the soda can and puts it between his legs to continue counting on his fingers on his right hand. ''6...7...8...9...''
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
“I pray for a new bicycle!”
“I pray for a new Nintendo!”
“I pray for a new VCR!”
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.“
To which the little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!“
Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it.
The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”
I have some bad news,"
Said the dentist to me,
"You've got not just one...
Not two...
And not three...
You've got four teeth,
That I need to remove,
To pull from your mouth,
I'm sure mom will approve..."
"NOOOO!" I screamed,
"You won't get not one!
I need all my teeth,
Like a tree needs the sun.
You won't get one tooth,
From out of my head,
I'll keep my mouth closed,
From now until bed!!!"
The dentist just smiled,
"We do have our way,
To get a kid's teeth,
Anytime of the day!"
So there in the chair,
I closed my mouth tight,
And stared down that dentist.
I'd put up a fight...
He took out a machine,
That had a pink feather,
And it tickled my face,
Like misty cool weather...
I started to laugh,
And when my mouth opened wide,
That man grabbed my tooth,
And pulled it outside...
"Ouch!" I yelled,
With a pain in my gum,
You mean, mean, mean dentist,
You aren't my chum!
He got one,
But that's all,
He wouldn't get more,
And I slammed my mouth closed,
Like the wind slams a door.
But then the cruel Dentist,
Brought out a machine,
With jaws of its own,
And he laughed really mean...
And the machine tried to pry,
My jaws by the bones!
But I wouldn't let in,
I wouldn't let it get home..
I kept my mouth shut,
Like a door locked at night,
I wouldn't open it up,
I wasn't losing this fight!
I protected my teeth,
Like a dog does its food,
Have my teeth pulled?
No thanks- Not in the mood!
He called in the nurse,
And she started to say,
I wasn't leaving the office,
Until the doc got his way...
"No way!" I cried,
"I'm outta this chair,"
But the nurse said I'd better,
Just stay right there.
I tried to get up,
I tried to escape,
But the nurse held me down,
She was strong like an ape...
The dentist then asked me,
To say just one "Ahhh.."
I laughed,
Closed my eyes,
And just said one, "Hah!"
The dentist got mad,
Mad in a fury.
I was sitting on trial,
And he was the jury...
The judge,
The jailer,
The master of mean,
Then he went out,
And brought another machine...
"This one is made,"
He said,
"For kids just like you,
I only have one,
But I wish I had two!"
I saw the machine with its pincer type tool,
And I screamed out my loudest,
"You must think I'm a fool!!! "
And then I wished,
And I hoped,
And I pleaded above,
To be out of that chair,
That I just didn't love...
I wished so hard,
That it soon became true,
And I was home in my pyjamas,
Which were furry and blue...
Was it a dream? I asked,
As I lay in my bed,
And began to count how many teeth,
I still had in my head...
Girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!
The priest inquired: Why must you pray so, my child?
Girl:That's what I have written in my answer sheet in the examination!
AFTER ENGAGEMENT:
HE: I waited so long for this.
SHE: Do U want me to leave?
HE: No. never!
SHE: Do U love me?
HE: Yes I did, I'm doing & I'll do.
SHE: Did you ever cheat me?
HE: I would rather die than do it.
SHE: Will you kiss me?
HE: Surely, it's my pleasure.
SHE: Will you hurt me?
HE: No way, I'm not such a kind of person.
SHE: Can I trust you?
HE: Yes.
SHE: Oh, Darling!
To know AFTER WEDDING:
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