When I was younger I hated going to weddings... it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
01. Man tells his friend: My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter.
02. Hi, my name is Sangeeta, married with two kids.
03. Don't laugh, otherwise I'll fall down your teeth.
04. Teacher to student: Pick up the paper and fall in dustbin.
05. Why do you keep rotating near girl's hostel.
06. Santa tells Banta: First I will marry my sister. Then my father will marry me.
07. you hang the chart there... or i will hang myself
08. My vaathiyaar introduced his two sons to me. My top son Ramesh and my bottom son Suresh.
09. You three of you, stand together separately.
10. Take 5 cm wire of any length
11. why are you looking at the monkey outside when i am standing here?
12. be quiet. Principal passed away just now
13. all of you stand in a straight circle
14. I have two daughters....both of them are girls
15. open the windows.... let the atmosphere come in
16. why are you so late? Say yes or no...
17. both of you three get out of the class
Microsoft, as usual in short of good software professional, places an ad in all world famous news papers for a single position who would be in charge of their next operating system Windows2000. This becomes scary news as the ad says interview would be conducted by Mr. Bill Gates. Microsoft receives only three applications as the outcome, from an American, Japanese and an Indian (of course you guessed it right, no one other than Santa). They are all invited to Microsoft HQ in Seattle for the interview.
Bill gates says, "I will ask you only one question and your answer should decide your fate".
All of them prepared to face Mr. Gates eagerly wait for the question.
Bill asks, "How do we achieve Windows2000 from Windows98?"
American & Japanese are puzzled and think over it and our guy Santa smiling and dancing in his chair says "balle balle" in mind.
After a while American answers, "Fix bugs in Windows98 for smooth transitions"
Bill shouts, "Get out of here...". The poor guy runs out.
The Japanese says, "Make Windows2000 more user friendly than Windows98".
Bill Gates screams, "get the hell out of here....".
Gates looks at Santa.
Santa giggles and says: "Rename Windows98, Windows2000".
Gates says "Balle, Balle, You got the job."
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store
clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics
rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart
bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding
a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was
going to pay for his treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the
irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns
are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
One day Lion summoned all the other animals in the jungle. "Each of you must tell a joke," he said. "But if anyone fails to laugh, I'll kill the person who told it. Monkey, you go first." Monkey began "Two men go into a bar . . ." When he delivered the punchline, everyone roared with laughter, except Tortoise. So Lion pounced on Monkey and killed him. Next up was Elephant. He told his joke and, again, everyone laughed except Tortoise. So Lion pounced on Elephant and kille him. The animals were furious with Tortoise, but no-one dared to move. Tiger began his joke, but when he was about one sentence in, Tortoise suddenly rolled over and began kicking his feet in the air, giggling his head off. "What's wrong with you" roared an irate Lion. "Tiger isn't even finished with his gag yet!" "I'm sorry," said Tortoise, gasping between laughs, "but Monkey's joke was simply too funny!"
Women are like internet viruses they enter your life, scan your pocket, edit your mind, download their problems, delete your smile...
When Santa came home, his wife, Jeeto, was crying.
"Your mother insulted me," Jeeto sobbed.
"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the country?" Santa asked.
"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."
"And?"
"At the end of the letter it said, 'Dear Jeeto, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son.'"