Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store...
As they were busy looking around, doctor stole 3 chocolate bars...
As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer : "Man! I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that"
Engineer replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"
So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy: "Do you wanna see magic..?"
The Shop boy replied: "Yes...!!!"
Engineer said: "Give me one chocolate bar!"
The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it... He asked for the second, and he ate that as well.. He asked for the third, and finished that one too...
The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic..?"
Engineer replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them...!"
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.
One Sunday, little David is with his parents on a boat on the river Thames. His dad asks him, “What do you think sea monsters eat, David?”
“I don’t know, dad.”
“Fish and ships.”
A birthday belated, I know you have waited.
Has it been another year?
My apologies are sincere.
When I realized I forgot, my old stomach formed a knot.
Our adventures came to mind, and your deeds that are so kind.
Hope you had the greatest time, entertained by a funny mime.
A belated birthday wish with the most delicious dish.
Teacher: if you had 12 apples, 10 oranges, 5 pineapples, 15 strawberries, what would you have?
Student: A yummy fruit salad, Ma’am!
Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the match box, but it didn’t light.
He tried another, It didn’t light either. The third one finally lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.
What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?” asked the another man
Santa replied,
“That’s a lucky match stick. I’ll use it again.”
Banta had been arrested and was now up before the judge.
The judge asks, "Do you admit you broke into the same clothes shop 3 times?"
"Yes," replies Banta.
"Could you please tell the court what you stole." asks the judge.
"I stole a dress, your honour," replies Banta.
"Just one dress? But you admitted to breaking in 3 times," says the judge.
"Yes I did, your honour," says Banta, "but on two of those occasions, I broke in to return the dress I took before."
"Return the dress? Why? I don't understand," says the judge.
"Because my wife Preeto didn't like the design, your honour."