Little Bobbie, while at a neighbor’s, was given a piece of bread and butter, and politely said “Thank you.”
“That’s right, Bobbie,” said the lady. “I like to hear little boys say ‘thank you’.”
“Well,” rejoined Bobbie. “If you want to hear me say it again you might put some jam on it.”
A girl says, "I'm having heart surgery today." The boy says, "I know." The girl says, "I love you!" The boy says, "I love you more, much much more!" After the surgery, when the girl woke up, only her father was next to her bed. The girl says, "Where is he?" The father responded, "You don't know who gave you the heart?" The girl says, "What???" and starts crying. The father says, "I'm just kidding, he went to the bathroom."
Man : Is there any way for long life?
Doctor : Get married.
Man : Will it help?
Doctor : No the thought of long life will never come
A blonde, A brunette, and a red-head all died in a car crash, and they all went to heaven at the same time.
They arrive at the gates of heaven, when God appears and tells them they must pass a laughter test, if they fail, they will be sent to hell.
The objective was to climb 100 stairs without laughing. Each stair will have it's own joke.
The Brunette goes first, and laughs at the 46th stair.
The Red-Head goes second, and laughs at the 77th stair.
The Blonde, makes all the way to the 100th step, when she suddenly bursts out with laughter.
God asks "Why are you laughing now?"
The Blonde says "I just got the first joke!".
Banta had been arrested and was now up before the judge.
The judge asks, "Do you admit you broke into the same clothes shop 3 times?"
"Yes," replies Banta.
"Could you please tell the court what you stole." asks the judge.
"I stole a dress, your honour," replies Banta.
"Just one dress? But you admitted to breaking in 3 times," says the judge.
"Yes I did, your honour," says Banta, "but on two of those occasions, I broke in to return the dress I took before."
"Return the dress? Why? I don't understand," says the judge.
"Because my wife Preeto didn't like the design, your honour."
A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, “Very quick”!
The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions:
LAWYER: “Have you any grounds?”
POLE: An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house.
LAWYER: “No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?”
POLE: “It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar.”
LAWYER: Does either of you have a real grudge?”
POLE: No, We have a carport and don’t need a grudge.
LAWYER: “I mean, what are your relations like?”
POLE: “All my relations live in Poland.”
LAWYER: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
POLE: “Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.
LAWYER: “No, I mean does your wife beat you up?”
POLE: “No, I’m always up before her.”
LAWYER: “Why do you want this divorce?”
POLE: “She going to kill me!”
LAWYER: “What makes you think that?”
LAWYER: “What kind of proof?”
POLE: “She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say “Polish Remover”
A couple invited some people to dinner. At the table, the wife turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"