Sunday night at dinner,
My mom got really mad,
I wouldn't eat her re-fried mud,
It tasted pretty bad...
Monday night at dinner,
My father lost his cool,
I wouldn't eat his broccoli cake,
It went agaist his rule...
Tuesday night at dinner,
My mom got so irate,
I wouldn't eat the pickled prunes,
I left them on my plate...
Wednesday night at dinner,
My dad was so enraged,
I didn't eat his fungus food,
He tried to have me caged!!!
Thursday night at dinner,
My mom was angry so,
She cooked my two best footballs,
They taste like moldy dough...
Chemistry class, chemistry class,
The class in which I do surpass!
The class I really most enjoy,
My teacher, though, I do annoy!
Mixing that, twirling this,
Adding 'till I hear a hiss!
Prompting looks up from her desk,
Towards my beaker, statuesque!
Heating up, cooling down,
My teacher watches, face a frown!
Lovely liquid, yellow bubbles,
Teacher's ready for the troubles!
Exploding here, exploding there,
Yellow globs in teacher's hair!
It's dripping onto teacher's shawl,
And creeping down the classroom wall!
Fizzle here, fizzle through,
Oh no, I think I'm in a stew!
It's eaten through the wooden floor,
And dropped below on Mr. Moore!
Chemistry mess, much distress,
My brew today did not impress!
Chemistry is my favorite class,
But that's my last, I think, alas!
A woman walked into the pet shop and told the owner she needed a rat and a couple of cockroaches. “What do you need them for?” “Because,” said the woman, “I’m moving and my lease says that when I move out I must leave the place in the same condition as I found it!”
Santa: I'm in a big trouble!
Banta: Why is that?
Santa: I saw a mouse in my house!
Banta: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
Santa: I don't have one.
Banta: Well then, buy one.
Santa: Can't afford one.
Banta: I can give you mine if you want.
Santa: That sounds good.
Banta: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
Santa: I don't have any cheese.
Banta: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
Santa: I don't have oil.
Banta: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
Santa I don't have bread.
Banta: Then what the hell is that mouse doing at your house???
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”
There are three people named “Poop, Manners, and Shut Up."
One day, Poop fell out the window and Manners went out the window to pick him up. While Manners was going to help Poop, he told Shut Up to get the police. So that is what Shut Up did. When the police arrived, they asked, “What is your name?" And Shut Up replies with “Shut Up." Then the police ask again, “What is your name?" “Shut Up." “What is your name?" “Shut Up." And then the police ask, “Excuse me, where are your manners?" And then Shut Up says, “Oh, Manners? Manners is over there picking up Poop."
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it."
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"