A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: "Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "To your house."
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly
& prayed for weeks but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter, requesting Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God,
they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister of Pakistan as a joke.
The Finance Minister was so amused,
that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20, thinking this would appear to be alot of money to a little boy & he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.20
& decided to write a thank you note to God.
Which Read:
"Dear God, thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the Finance Minister in Islamabad & those bloody donkeys deducted Rs.30 in taxes!"
Santa and Banta sitting in the bar at Raja Sansi Airport, Amritsar.
"I've come to meet my brother," said the Santa. "He's due to fly in from Canada in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years."
"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the Banta.
"I'm sure I won't," said Santa, "after all, he's been away for a long time."
"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the Banta.
"Of course he will," said Santa. "Sure, I haven't been away at all."
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.
With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
One day Lion summoned all the other animals in the jungle. "Each of you must tell a joke," he said. "But if anyone fails to laugh, I'll kill the person who told it. Monkey, you go first." Monkey began "Two men go into a bar . . ." When he delivered the punchline, everyone roared with laughter, except Tortoise. So Lion pounced on Monkey and killed him. Next up was Elephant. He told his joke and, again, everyone laughed except Tortoise. So Lion pounced on Elephant and kille him. The animals were furious with Tortoise, but no-one dared to move. Tiger began his joke, but when he was about one sentence in, Tortoise suddenly rolled over and began kicking his feet in the air, giggling his head off. "What's wrong with you" roared an irate Lion. "Tiger isn't even finished with his gag yet!" "I'm sorry," said Tortoise, gasping between laughs, "but Monkey's joke was simply too funny!"