A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor. As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room - yet she made no attempt to restrain him.
Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, "I hope you don't mind my Little Johnny playing in there."
"No, not at all," said the doctor calmly. "I'm sure he'll calm down as soon as he finds the poison."
Girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!
The priest inquired: Why must you pray so, my child?
Girl:That's what I have written in my answer sheet in the examination!
Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school. When he reaches his classroom he looks inside and sees a sub instead of his regular teacher. Johnny sits down and the teacher says, “Now students, my name is Ms. Prussy. Not the other word, this word has an r after the first letter.” Johnny started laughing. An hour later he forgot her name and said, “Your name has an r after the first letter -- is it Ms. Crunt?”
Santa went into a drug store and asked the pharmacist if he could give him something for hiccups.
Without warning, the pharmacist suddenly reached out and slapped Santa hard across the face.
"What did you do that for?" asked Santa indignantly.
"Well, you haven't got hiccups any more, have you?"
"I haven't got hiccups - my wife has!" replied Santa!
I gave my dog some peanut butter,
Bread and blue grape juice,
A garbage truck with junk inside,
A toy that had no use...
I heard that dogs eat anything,
And I just had to see...
He ate a shirt,
He ate my pants,
He almost ate up me!
I put some books in front of dog,
To see if he could read,
He ate those books,
With a grin,
He's a special breed...
I put a pen in front of dog,
To see if he could write,
He chewed and chewed that little pen,
From morning to the night...
Next day he scratched,
And scratched,
And scratched,
Scratched too much for me,
I got some new flea powder,
To chase away the fleas...
He ate the white flea powder,
He licked it nice and clean,
Although his tongue got kind of white,
No fleas are ever seen...
I gave my dog some dog food,
He stared at me with fear,
The food is sitting in his bowl,
Its almost been a year...
By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
The teacher of the Earth Science class was lecturing on map reading. He spent the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards the end of class, the teacher asked his students, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude..." A student's voice broke the confused silence, and volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone, sir.