Santa was visiting the big city for the first time. He checks in at the hotel, and the bell boy takes his bags. He follows the boy, and as the door closes, he looks around and shakes his fist at him.
`Young man, I may be from the village and unfamiliar with the city, but that don`t mean I`m stupid! I paid good money, and this room won`t do at all! It`s too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there`s not even a bed!`
The bellboy looks at Santa and says, `Sir, this isn`t your room, it`s the elevator!`
One day these two fine southern ladies were sittin' on the front porch having some iced tea. One of the women sticks out her hand for the other woman to see, and in her long southern drawl says "Look at this ring my husband gave me. Isn't it nice?" To which the other woman replies, "Oh that's nice, that's real nice." The first woman then says , "And just last month he took me on one of them Caribbean cruises." The second woman again replies, "Oh that's nice, that's real nice." "Well sweetheart doesn't your husband ever buy you nice things or send you nice places?" "Oh", the second woman responds, "When we first got married he did send me to etiquette school." "Why'd he do that?" the first woman asks. To which the second fine southern woman replies, "Well you see, before, when someone told me about the jewellery their husband gave them, or the trips he sent her on, I would have just said I don't give a fuck, but now I say that's nice, that's real nice."
Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
Banta lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Mumbai, and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, " Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You bastard, you gave me a woman`s ears."
"Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man`s or a woman`s."
"You`re wrong, I hear everything, but I don`t understand a thing!"
Medical alert about a highly dangerous virus called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK).
If you come in contact with this WORK VIRUS, you should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) centre to take antidotes known as
"Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE),
"Radioactive UnWORK Medicine"(RUM),
"Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter"(BEER)
A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard , the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, to come over. Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”
“It was an ID ten T error,” he replied.
I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, “An, ID ten T error? What’s that … uh … in case I need to fix it again?”
Richard grinned … “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”
“No,” I replied.
“Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.”
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T …..